Back in North Carolina

I don't know what to say. I returned from home yesterday to NC with the schedule of going to Iraq on my 21st birthday, August 2nd. Hopefully that will happen, I'm so bored and lonely here that I need something to get my mind back on the right track. I feel really weird right now, like I don't want to hang out with anyone except for my closest friends or my family, and I have few really good friends here and no family.

Going home was awesome, but I feel like I didn't do everything I wanted to do, and I'm not talking about fun stuff, I'm talking about hanging out with people and putting a nice close on relationships that I've had over the years.


So I had that on my mind when my family drove me to the airport, I had an hour of sleep, I had the fear, excitement, anticipation, etc. that comes with deployment and I had the fact that I was flying to a place where I was going to be doing nothing, so close to my family yet so far away, for at least a few days before going to Iraq. Oh yeah, and the fact that even as I write this there's a possibility that I won't leave until Thursday or Friday.

Needless to say it was a crappy day, and I hate airports, and yesterday was incredibly emotional for me. I honestly can say that I felt more like a female than I think I ever have or will. Any thought about my family-a memory of Meghan singing "B-A-N-A-N-A-S" in the back of the car, the card that my little cousins made for me, or whatever-made me tear up. I couldn't watch Garden State because New Jersey's landscape is so much like Ohio's, the music is so relevant to my life right now, and the story of a guy returning home, realizing that home isn't what it used to be, etc. made me want to tear up. The comment he makes about about realizing that the place he grew up isn't really home anymore, and his theory that people settle down because when you lose your home you want to make a new one really resonates with me right now, and I'm sure it does with some of you too.

Yesterday I cried twice, and along with the time my grandma died those are the only times I've cried since I was 13 years old. So yesterday was weird, and I read a lot yesterday, from a biography on Winston Churchill, one of my heroes, and the Bible. The reason behind those two books: Don't know if I would say Churchill is the greatest man who ever lived (other than Christ), but he's close, and his life is in many ways similar to my own, so when I get down I read about him, because it gives me inspiration. The Bible is obvious, and though I didn't read a whole lot the first thing I saw when I opened it up was this, a quote from Christ in Matthew: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." That was intense when I read it, and was good to hear considering how down I was.

That's about it from me, I hope you all are doing well. I'm not going to post in this thing until I get to Iraq, so the next entry will be a couple of weeks most likely. Everyone stay strong and keep me on your mind, because you are certainly on mine.